What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Do dogs feel love?

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Do intellectuals who peddle pseudoscientific tripe like simulation theory ever stop and think they are just dumb NPCs for Illuminati bot wars?

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Have you ever had your crush reject you, and then later you all dated and married?

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

If you were a writer for HBO, how would you rewrite the final season of Game of Thrones?

Make Nazis afraid again!

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

TEXT:

What do most wives fantasize about?

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

What is the best technique for inserting a tampon into one’s anus?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

What is a good comeback for when someone calls you flat?

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Do people have to be a pastor to baptize?

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

What are some tips for balancing chores, work, and family life as an adult with children?

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Why do wives cheat on their loyal husbands?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Which Korean female celebrities look the best in a bikini?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!